Frostbite

It took me a lot of time to write this one post. A lot of backspaces. A lot of sighs. A lot of sulking. Because something happened today. Today's the kind of day that makes me feel like I'm a pitiful chocolate that is melting under the sun. I'll tell about it at the end of this post.

Initially, I had a lot to write about in my mind, but first thing's first. I have to write about my ski trip. By mentioning "ski trip", you'd probably be expecting a happy and joyful vacation story that might bore you to death and make you roll your eyes before that happens. Actually, I have something else to share besides that. We went to Mount Buller in Victoria, Australia, and this was my first ski trip in my whole life, and you can imagine how my restless my heart was. It felt like something was skipping rope inside here. I insisted on buying the lift ticket with my own money as a reward for myself, so don't call me a spoilt daughter (Plus the ticket was expensive to a level that it felt like there was a black hole in my purse =.=). The lift ticket included a 2-hours beginner lesson, so we needed to be at the ski school on time. Unfortunately, we took a wrong chair lift and was brought up far from the ski school. Note the word "up far" means that going downhill with the ski would be impossible for a person who got his hands on those gears for the first time. To abbreviate the story, I'll just represent it by three words: "Fall, Stumble, Topple". The vocabularies are enough to make anybody imagine what happened (to me, especially). 

The accidents lead us to a late arrival at the ski school. We were an hour pass the scheduled time, but hooray, the instructor let us join the private lessons instead (for free, Alhamdulillah..). After an hour, I could already ski like a pro (hahahah....hah..). We went on the lifts to get further up, and ski downhill to get our adrenaline flowing free. We made a lot of rounds.

Now my point of the story is getting nearer. My brother suggested that we go further up up up, so although I had a bad feeling about it, I nodded. When we reached up there, there was some kind of blizzard, I think. I couldn't even see the face of the person standing 5 metres away. Plus, it was raining. And plus, the slopes up there were steep. It felt like needles were pricking my face, my eyes were stinging because I left my sunglasses with my parents who were cozily eating at a restaurant further down. My arms and knees felt strained because of all the accidents before. The most disturbing thing of all, we were not allowed to go down using the chairlifts. 

It was super scary, but I braced myself and started to ski, but because of the steepness, and my lack of energy, the speed was too much for my legs to do the braking, so I let myself fall on the snow before I hit the barriers a few feet away. And to make matters worse, the wind became stronger and stronger. 

At that time, I just sat there, pulled off the ski from my boots, threw away the poles and stared into an empty space. I must have looked so pathetic. For the first time in my life, I felt so out of hope, so out of energy, so , out of motivation. I couldn't find any silver lining beneath the clouds (because of my red-rimmed eyes -,-). I was telling myself to give up. And my brother said something, but I just wanted to give him a smack in the face at that time. X) For the first time in my life, I felt lifeless and like I was the weakest person on Earth. 

But, in the end, somehow, maybe from my desperation to go downhill to get near a cozy fireplace, I managed to ski until the bottom checkpoint, with a few falls midway, and I arrived with the most robot-like face ever. Down there, I realized that God has taught me something up there. I might be able to withstand some obstacles in this life while being persistent about my dreams, and face a bad day today, and just smile about it the next day, but that is because the obstacles that I've faced and are currently facing are so small. Maybe He's trying to remind me that there are more difficult obstacles in this life and if that ever happens to me someday, I musn't be like the hopeless girl who just sits down in the middle of a blizzard. I have to truly love and believe in myself. I know for a fact that I lack self-confidence, and this incident just emphasized it =,= 

I know I must brace myself from now on because I don't want to let go of my dreams someday because I've given up on myself. I don't wanna be that pathetic. So, from now on, I want to be the Brave Syatrah. Hee hee :B

So, back to the beginning of the story, I lost a sum of money. A sum of money that I hold so dear in my heart, but I did a terrible job in keeping it safe. It was the money that my grandparents and my favourite uncle gave me. They always give me money when I go back to visit them in Terengganu, and those money were the ones that I've collected for about 2 years. I wanted to put them in my Tabung Haji account so that insyaAllah, they'll get their own share of reward when I go to umrah and haji someday. But the money's gone now. Yes, I'm sad.